If you can’t walk a MILE in my shoes – SMILE A WHILE IN MY BEARD ;)

Smile a while in my beard, see what I see, feel what I feel;

Maybe then you will understand;

What I do, Why I do, till then, DO NOT JUDGE ME

                                                                                 Sincerely,

                                                                                Men

Amidst all sorts of articles and write ups on equal rights of women and women empowerment, I felt like looking at the other side of the coin because sometimes we do not really know how and in what respect has the other gender suffered.

We keep on saying that men will be men and use phrases of that sort but we also cannot deny the fact that there are men who would not hurt you and will truly take care of you, be concerned and also help you no matter what trouble you are in. They would not look for their schedule when you need them.

I dedicate this to all such men who have suffered because of the evils rooted in our society or wrong done by others.

No matter how good or bad as a student a boy was, he needs to be well qualified to be the perfect groom and if not, then he must be having enough bank balance and be earning enough and owning a big house, a car and a couple of servants etc. Oh wait! I forgot to mention, an international trip is a mandate for honeymoon! I go speechless when I get to hear such terms & conditions amongst people having discussions related to such things. It’s nothing less than a typical small mentality and small talk. Probably, the list is never ending!

Looks are very important! A woman may cover herself by wearing makeup and tons of jewellery! What is a man supposed to do? 

If we talk in terms of expectations, then since ages, this concept has been prevailing that if a woman is expected to look after the household chores, a man is supposed to be held responsible to run the family. The pressure has been created in such a way that if he fails to be well qualified and earning well, he is labelled as a loser.

His wife “may” have an option to leave the job but he doesn’t! Not all women want to take a job or run a business. But men, do they have an option? Thank you society for labelling men as ATM cards!!!

A man is constantly worried about meeting the financial needs of the family. He struggles a lot and sometimes, a married man feels like a sandwich mostly between his wife and his mother. He tries to strike a balance between all and you think that is easy? 

If a man speaks up for his wife or tries to take a stand for her, he is labelled as his wife’s puppet. If he doesn’t, he is a coward. If he stays at home, then he’s irresponsible. If he returns late, he does not care. If he stops his wife from working, then he’s an insecure guy. If he doesn’t stop his wife, then he’s somebody who lives on his wife’s earnings. If he listens to his mom, then he’s mumma’s boy. If he listens to his wife, he is wife’s slave. We never know how much the genuine ones have tolerated, sacrificed, compromised and suffered because of evils rooted in our society and it’s mindset; because of wrong done by “some” men, some good genuine men, suffer too!!

Almost every day I see my news feed having an article related to empowering women and related topics.

When today women feel empowered or are in the process of being empowered, who is preparing men to divide the responsibilities equally, be it household chores or finances? Why are they not able to do it as their responsibility and why is it always about “helping” women? Are we preparing our men for our empowered women?

Who do we blame? Mothers/grandmothers who have pampered their sons/grandsons to an extent that when they grow up they can barely contribute to any household work. They are used to getting everything served in their hand. Their brains have been hammered with thoughts like “It is not their job to look after the house or the daily routine work of a child”. All of a sudden how will such men contribute equally to the family?

Who are we fighting? Who is the argument with? A man or the mindset?

There are women with patriarchal mindset and there could be men who understand and support equal rights for women. It’s not about a particular gender anymore. It’s about the mindset.

When a child is born a father is usually more nervous than the mother. If no one ever told you, they are constantly worried and overthink about the birth of the child. They think about the child’s upbringing and education, make a lot of calculations & investment plans way before the child is born. It’s not just about the physical labour that a woman goes through; it’s also about the roller coaster ride a father’s mind goes through. We all know about woman’s pain because it’s been talked about and she is given tips and ideas by almost everyone around her but who is training the father?

I still remember when I asked one of my closest friends that when was the last time he cried. He told me when his 2 year old daughter was suffering from very high fever for more than a couple of days! I was dumbstruck! A man does not cry in situations like these, does he? And even if he does he has to hide in order to have feelings? WHY?

It is because this world has wrongly taught our men to mask their emotions and they think it’s OK to not openly speak about how they feel about a particular thing or a situation. They are mostly stuck between maintaining the image of a practical man and someone who has emotions too and feels for everything like every other living being because my dear readers, men are not stones.

If we want the change, we have to bring it in our mentality and teach also the sons of this generation the importance of being self-dependent not only financially, but also for every other small thing that is required in our day to day lives! Cooking, washing your own clothes (all of them) & cleaning your own room to start with.

I have seen some of my closest male friends in every phase of their lives starting from completing education, to getting a job or business of their own, to getting married and finally, having a baby.

They don’t speak much nor are generally very expressive but they are as emotional as any specie can be.

I know many men (a lot being my friends too) and with personal experience, can vouch that they have not only lifted women when they were low in life but have also encouraged them to achieve their goals and chase their dreams. I never found them getting jealous of their achievements, instead have seen them celebrate the same in their own little way.

Every man’s voice, at least the genuine ones may want to say that they are not like others and also do not promote chauvinism. They respect people irrespective of their gender and they will always take a stand when required.

Dear men, if you can relate to any of the above –

You are perfect in your imperfections; you look completely handsome wearing that natural smile God gave you! Your grades and qualification and bank balance/income are not the parameters that would increase or decrease your worth. You are worthy of all the love and care; you are worthy of equal respect in the society!

For all the sweat that you let flow;
for all the tears that you hide when you feel low 
and the skill with which you strike a balance between the two!

Respect!