If you can’t walk a MILE in my shoes – SMILE A WHILE IN MY BEARD ;)

Smile a while in my beard, see what I see, feel what I feel;

Maybe then you will understand;

What I do, Why I do, till then, DO NOT JUDGE ME

                                                                                 Sincerely,

                                                                                Men

Amidst all sorts of articles and write ups on equal rights of women and women empowerment, I felt like looking at the other side of the coin because sometimes we do not really know how and in what respect has the other gender suffered.

We keep on saying that men will be men and use phrases of that sort but we also cannot deny the fact that there are men who would not hurt you and will truly take care of you, be concerned and also help you no matter what trouble you are in. They would not look for their schedule when you need them.

I dedicate this to all such men who have suffered because of the evils rooted in our society or wrong done by others.

No matter how good or bad as a student a boy was, he needs to be well qualified to be the perfect groom and if not, then he must be having enough bank balance and be earning enough and owning a big house, a car and a couple of servants etc. Oh wait! I forgot to mention, an international trip is a mandate for honeymoon! I go speechless when I get to hear such terms & conditions amongst people having discussions related to such things. It’s nothing less than a typical small mentality and small talk. Probably, the list is never ending!

Looks are very important! A woman may cover herself by wearing makeup and tons of jewellery! What is a man supposed to do? 

If we talk in terms of expectations, then since ages, this concept has been prevailing that if a woman is expected to look after the household chores, a man is supposed to be held responsible to run the family. The pressure has been created in such a way that if he fails to be well qualified and earning well, he is labelled as a loser.

His wife “may” have an option to leave the job but he doesn’t! Not all women want to take a job or run a business. But men, do they have an option? Thank you society for labelling men as ATM cards!!!

A man is constantly worried about meeting the financial needs of the family. He struggles a lot and sometimes, a married man feels like a sandwich mostly between his wife and his mother. He tries to strike a balance between all and you think that is easy? 

If a man speaks up for his wife or tries to take a stand for her, he is labelled as his wife’s puppet. If he doesn’t, he is a coward. If he stays at home, then he’s irresponsible. If he returns late, he does not care. If he stops his wife from working, then he’s an insecure guy. If he doesn’t stop his wife, then he’s somebody who lives on his wife’s earnings. If he listens to his mom, then he’s mumma’s boy. If he listens to his wife, he is wife’s slave. We never know how much the genuine ones have tolerated, sacrificed, compromised and suffered because of evils rooted in our society and it’s mindset; because of wrong done by “some” men, some good genuine men, suffer too!!

Almost every day I see my news feed having an article related to empowering women and related topics.

When today women feel empowered or are in the process of being empowered, who is preparing men to divide the responsibilities equally, be it household chores or finances? Why are they not able to do it as their responsibility and why is it always about “helping” women? Are we preparing our men for our empowered women?

Who do we blame? Mothers/grandmothers who have pampered their sons/grandsons to an extent that when they grow up they can barely contribute to any household work. They are used to getting everything served in their hand. Their brains have been hammered with thoughts like “It is not their job to look after the house or the daily routine work of a child”. All of a sudden how will such men contribute equally to the family?

Who are we fighting? Who is the argument with? A man or the mindset?

There are women with patriarchal mindset and there could be men who understand and support equal rights for women. It’s not about a particular gender anymore. It’s about the mindset.

When a child is born a father is usually more nervous than the mother. If no one ever told you, they are constantly worried and overthink about the birth of the child. They think about the child’s upbringing and education, make a lot of calculations & investment plans way before the child is born. It’s not just about the physical labour that a woman goes through; it’s also about the roller coaster ride a father’s mind goes through. We all know about woman’s pain because it’s been talked about and she is given tips and ideas by almost everyone around her but who is training the father?

I still remember when I asked one of my closest friends that when was the last time he cried. He told me when his 2 year old daughter was suffering from very high fever for more than a couple of days! I was dumbstruck! A man does not cry in situations like these, does he? And even if he does he has to hide in order to have feelings? WHY?

It is because this world has wrongly taught our men to mask their emotions and they think it’s OK to not openly speak about how they feel about a particular thing or a situation. They are mostly stuck between maintaining the image of a practical man and someone who has emotions too and feels for everything like every other living being because my dear readers, men are not stones.

If we want the change, we have to bring it in our mentality and teach also the sons of this generation the importance of being self-dependent not only financially, but also for every other small thing that is required in our day to day lives! Cooking, washing your own clothes (all of them) & cleaning your own room to start with.

I have seen some of my closest male friends in every phase of their lives starting from completing education, to getting a job or business of their own, to getting married and finally, having a baby.

They don’t speak much nor are generally very expressive but they are as emotional as any specie can be.

I know many men (a lot being my friends too) and with personal experience, can vouch that they have not only lifted women when they were low in life but have also encouraged them to achieve their goals and chase their dreams. I never found them getting jealous of their achievements, instead have seen them celebrate the same in their own little way.

Every man’s voice, at least the genuine ones may want to say that they are not like others and also do not promote chauvinism. They respect people irrespective of their gender and they will always take a stand when required.

Dear men, if you can relate to any of the above –

You are perfect in your imperfections; you look completely handsome wearing that natural smile God gave you! Your grades and qualification and bank balance/income are not the parameters that would increase or decrease your worth. You are worthy of all the love and care; you are worthy of equal respect in the society!

For all the sweat that you let flow;
for all the tears that you hide when you feel low 
and the skill with which you strike a balance between the two!

Respect!

The quietest, simplest and the most powerful revolution ever - I LOVE MYSELF

Love; an emotion that nobody can define or put into words; rather we all ended up with a definition of our own and some probably still don’t know as there can never be a universally accepted phenomenon for the same.

Parents of our and previous generations to start with; unfortunately, no one taught them the importance of loving their own self when they probably needed it the most. They have always known to be the ones giving up almost everything that they have and they can, for their children. Why? Is there not a need to put a stop to it? Does that not create a pressure on the child in the later stages of life where they cannot freely choose what they want to do and the first thing that captures their mind is the number of sacrifices or compromises made by their parents? Parents might not ask for anything in return, maybe, but does that not make it all the more worse? Firstly, you see the older generation compromising and later the next generation doing the same! Why?

With changing times and broader mindset; today, I am glad to have known a few of them in person, wherein parents followed their dreams as they were head strong on a fact that they aren’t answerable to anyone but to their own heart. Does moving out of a city for a couple of years to take that dream job make her a bad mother to the five-year-old? Does leaving his job to invest in his start-up and not being able to give his children everything they want makes him a bad father? If yes, then for instance, leaving your parents for your dream job or whatsoever especially when they are old and they need you is not less than a gruesome act and makes you the worst child ever! Held, it isn’t plausible that you don’t love your child when you do anything of that sort; instead, it inspires millions to love themselves too, exactly know what they want from their own lives and how they need to figure out to be able to witness the execution of the same by striking a balance between achieving what they want on one hand and not keeping their child deprived of love on the other. A standing ovation to all those who not only have the courage but grace to love themselves and believe that no matter what “I have a life of my own too and I need to live my life on my own terms.” So, from where do you get this courage and determination – Love of oneself!

As we grow up and move out of the protective shell given to us by our parents, we interact more with the outer world, meet different people, make new friends and easily fall in love. It’s easy to fall in love but the truth prevails that no one ever taught us how to move on with it; only time. I do not know anyone in person who never really fell in love or rather didn’t ever get a feel of it. In today’s ever-changing world, before a person thinks about love, the perplexed mind takes them on a roller coaster ride with a bundle of questions, the answers to which are never known, unless time told us otherwise. Do they love me too? What if it doesn’t work? What if they left me? What if they change with time? Do they mean everything that they say? What if I end up hurting myself? The list goes on!

One gives what one has! So, till you discover love for your own self, you can’t really love anyone else either. Some find love too soon and are always happy. Some find it in the later stages of life and remain equally happy. For those who had a tough time overcoming an unsuccessful marriage or a serious relationship tend to be reluctant and hold them back. Some move on with time, some have a tough time trying to hold on to it and some are stuck somewhere as it remains inconclusive for them. It is rather very simple, if you don't find them valuing you as much as you value them, you should know it’s time to move on. Despite having a tough time trying to put up with complicated relations and having compromised over our self respect too, we fail to understand that the simplest form of love is the love of oneself.

Love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned; is that really so? I would rather say, if you can’t see them reciprocate, you need to just take a step back because loving someone and not getting anything in return is love that becomes synonymous to pain and you may end up hurting yourself to an extent wherein you are not even able to do the basic daily routine activities of life; so what’s the point? Do you really want your life to revolve around someone because of whom you get nothing but pain? Life is too short to sulk, regret, over think and destroy your inner peace for any possible thing or a situation. You need to laugh your heart out, pamper yourself with things that you love, value yourself and if they couldn't realise your worth, it may not be their fault because one cannot force the other to love; but trust me, it’s their loss! Yes, it is. If only education taught us the importance of self-love, this would probably have had made sense to all.

You are beautiful, yes YOU; not for the way you look, but for the way you love, because when you love, it’s pure, its unconditional and most importantly it’s real. You leave no stone unturned in nurturing it. You give all what you have and you are ready to give up everything for it. Learn from your mistakes but never let the bad experiences or anyone else change the way you love because at the end all that matters is how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. A shout out to all those who suffered, witnessed setbacks in life and think they have lost a part of them in the process of trying to make something work, irrespective of the fact whether someone gave up on you or you gave up on someone; for that matter, “Give up everything that weighs you down; give up on the relationship, do not give up on love.” Everything is temporary but love. Love outlives us all. Love as much as you can, feel it, live it, let it become a significant part of your identity but never stop loving yourself in the process of loving others; never lose yourself because on a tight rope, we all walk alone! You need YOU more than you need them!

You haven’t loved enough if you haven’t loved yourself as much as you think you have loved or can love any other.

One Life, Rise & Shine!

Stuti Tulshyan

The (Un) Censored Sky

Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. - David Frost.

We often measure success with marks, credit, position, promotion etc. but the real success lies in confidently doing what you want to do and giving your best efforts in it. People often tend to have dreams in their eyes but they land up wearing spectacles framed by others. Same was the story of a successful doctor Aditya, who killed a photographer! He killed a photographer inside him. Had he raised his voice, had he given himself a chance, he would have been living his dreams, his own way! Alas! He did not. He continued doing what he never wanted to, the reason be any! Was he really successful? Would you like to identify yourself as a killer few years down the line, if today, you do not choose to be what you want to be?

Varun Agarwal- 26 year old, BE in telecommunication hated the four torturous years of his engineering life. He had to join engineering college because his parents did not allow him to go to film school. Having failed once in engineering and completing his graduation thereafter he went to work for Phat Phish Productions. He is a film maker and a co-founder of a million dollar company and also makes merchandise for students of schools and colleges. He is also an author of “How I braved Anu aunty and co-founded a million dollar company.” He believes in “not thinking” and “only doing”. Find out more at www.varunagarwal.in

Akash Gautam- He wanted to join the Indian Air Force but got rejected in the medical part of the NDA - NA exam because of some vision deficiency.  Further, he went on to do PG in Fashion from NIFT, New Delhi and turned out to be a bad student there. He was thrown out of his first two jobs. Today he is the most famous motivator, trainer and success coach. Never in his wildest of dreams he must have imagined he would reach this far. The real success lies in getting up each time you fall! We tend to give up when we are unable to accomplish what we want to, but we never know what we can achieve if we just hold onto. His official website-www.akashgautam.com

For a web begun, God sends thread!

Sudha gave her first stage performance when she was 8. By the time she turned 17, she had given more than 75 stage performances.  She lost her right leg in an accident. Yes! This is about the very famous, dancer and actor, Sudha Chandran. She left her disability far behind in comparison to her will power and sheer determination. She relived her passion by using an artificial leg. Even the biggest shock of her life was not enough to stop her from re-living her dreams. What is more important is the ability to overcome the setbacks in life. Let difficulties know, you are more difficult! That is what she did and today she is an inspiration for millions.

When love is akin to breathing! 88% of people do what they do not want to and 92% of them have relationship issues who fight almost every day with themselves without giving anybody a hint of what they have been going through.  Repercussions of the past, they come time and again to remind you of all those smiles, all those tears, those pent up agonies and those fears. They never tend to leave you alone. There are certain things in life, one cannot explain but life has to go on and this is what life is, Alas! Not always fair but the challenge is to put your troubles right beneath your feet and use it as a platform in order to walk towards your goal. It must have happened to almost every one as it comes naturally. So if it has happened to you, it should not be an excuse to escapism!

When despite trying hard and harder every time you fail, you feel dejected and disheartened. Comparison with others makes it worse. When all dreams are shattered, all desires are burnt; the only thing that remains is the ability to identify a ray of hope. A hope to see everything comes alive again, to push yourself once again towards your dream.

What can stop you from reaching the heights? Your disability? Failure? Poverty? Or you are not too passionate, your strengths are overshadowed by your weaknesses, you are being forced to do something else, your destiny had something else in store for you or lastly a broken heart? Can all this really stop you, if you really want to? When you find yourself struggling, all the way, you must know you are growing your roots. When you find yourself in pain, be assured God wants you to win similarly like a horse that is being thrashed by his master, runs to win the race. The idea is to keep that spark alive, COME WHAT MAY so that when you look back you can say yourself “No regrets, absolutely!”

Who does not want to touch the sky, some want to go beyond that, to explore to exploit, to know how it feels to be there. Despite dreaming, desiring, trying to accomplish we often are not satisfied with the height that we reach, we often are not content with what we get after putting in best efforts. Success can never be measured, it can only be felt. It is different for different people. We fail to understand that we are not here to please or prove anybody else. Abide to your own expectations first. Almost each one of us wears a mask almost every day behind which lies our real self. Identifying that real self is what is important!

Life is much like the crossroads, where you need to stop, think and decide and act because your decision can change somebody’s life; and most probably yours! Each one of us must be having some questions which remain unanswered. Whenever something wrong happens we end up cursing God and mostly question "Why me?" We are always guided in a way better than we know ourselves. So instead, say "Try me!" Keep walking till the way falls short! Wake up, get up, and get going!

Not all dreams turn into desires, not all desires are fulfilled but one who cannot dare to dream can never accomplish. Dare to dream a dream that has never been dreamt of!

#OneLife